I know I don’t seem like the type, but I have constant fights with one person.

I fight with this person almost daily, sometimes several times a day, and I’ve been doing so ever since we met. Sometimes the fight becomes so fierce that I want to leave this person for good. And I must admit that I have said some of the most cruel things to this person such as: “You are stupid”, “What is wrong with you?”, “Why can’t you do anything right?”, “It would be better if you were never born!”

This person is me. I have constant fights with myself. Sometimes, several times a day…

Am I weird? What about you? Do you fight with yourself like that? I don’t think I’m unique in this. I think the person who condemns us the most is us!

I look in the mirror and think, “You are so ugly!” I don’t say that to anyone else!

I make a mistake and think, “You are so stupid!” I don’t say that to anyone else!

I repeat mistakes over and over and think, “Why do you even live?” I certainly don’t say that to anyone else!

Why am I so harsh on myself? I do not dare say those things to anyone else. Is this a healthy way to look at the self? Self-hatred and loathing? Is this the Christian way to see the self?

In a way, it is. But it doesn’t go deep enough. I’m actually worse than what I say to myself. I’m worse than stupid, ugly, and better without. God made me that most beautiful creature in the world – in the image of God – and I trampled on it with my sin. Therefore, I deserve to be condemned for all eternity. That is what Satan is reminding me of almost daily through my conscience. He (Satan)’s not lying. He’s telling the truth! But He doesn’t tell the second half of it.

But God!

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.” Eph. 2:4-5

Yes, it is right for me to condemn myself. But I cannot stop there. I must also remind myself of who Christ is and what He has done for me. So, no longer I’m a loser deserving of death and hell. I’m a child of God redeemed and cleansed and adorned with Christ’s righteousness also!

Whenever words of condemnation come to your mind, remind yourself: “But God!”

PH