To Submit And To Understand (Topical: 1 peter 3:1-7)

ATTN: The christian message, if preached right, will be hated by the world. The reason is because it completely opposes the world’s worldview. The world views that human beings are at the center and therefore, we get to decide what is right and wrong for us. And since we are continuously evolving, what’s wrong and right will change according to the times. The Christian view is that God is at the center because He is the divine engineer who created the world and therefore He knows best how the world should operate. And since God is unchanging, those values are unchanging. And we ought to submit to Him. So, the views on hot topics like abortion, homosexual lifestyle, money, race, and gender role are all different according to our world view. Politicians and academics debate these issues ad nauseum, but unless their fundamental views on where does the world come from, and what is its purpose are settled, these debates will never end.

since, We Christians believe that it is God who created the world for His glory, when it operates according to His specifications, it will be fine. But just like putting water into a gas tank will not only make the car not move but will break it, ignoring our divine engineer’s design will not only make life not only less than fulfilling, but will break it.

One of God’s designs is the gender-role within the context of the marriage. As soon as I said that – “gender-role” – some of us recoil probably because of our past bad experience or our education by the world. But I believe God made Adam and Eve, a man and a woman, each distinct and complementary to each other, and not asexual beings who are interchangeable. How much better the world is because of the differences between the two sexes and how they complement one another. It is not a matter of who’s better or more capable, but a matter of two distinct individuals mutually submitting to each other and being faithful to given roles in order to make God more beautiful.

As you might have guessed, I am what is called a complementarian rather than an egalitarian when it comes to gender-roles in a marriage relationship. That means I believe that men and women are created with specifics to complement each other to reflect the beauty of Christ – unity in diversity – rather than being completely the same and their roles are interchangeable. I say that based on three things – 1) the scripture, 2), the design of our physical bodies, and  3) what nature teaches us. I’m not going to go into that today. Maybe, someday I will expound more on it.

That being said, I do want to expound on the scripture passage we read today.

1. 1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Peter tells the wives to be subject to or to submit to their own husbands. This is in the context of marriage. He’s not telling all women to submit to all men, but rather believing wives to submit to their own husbands. Notice that this is true even if the husband is not a godly man. So, it’s not “submit to your husband only if he acts like a godly man who is deserving of your submission.” But rather submit to him even though he may not be a good man and may be unreasonable.

Why? So that she may win him over to the Lord with her respectful and pure behavior towards him. So, it is right for wives to try to change their husbands! She should want her unbelieving husband to want to become a believer and become a godly leader in the family. But she should not do this with constant nagging, beating him up with her bible knowledge, belittling or demeaning him whether in front of him or behind his back, but rather respecting him, and building him up.

ILL: ladies, what would happen if while you are with your girl-friends, you told them how thankful you are that your husband  sacrifices for the family and works hard to provide, rather than poking fun and letting everyone know of his flaws? And what if you did this while your husband was present?

These days it is so accepted even in the church culture that women are princesses but men are bumbling idiots who are just frankly so frustrating because they are just not with it! To prove my point, if I said or even if a woman said women are just as ignorant, sinful and controlling as man are, just in different ways, people would gasp! How dare you talk about women that way? You can talk of men being idiots, sexists, lazy, insensitive, good-for-nothing losers, but don’t talk about women that way! Feminists have done their work… The bible isn’t swayed by the cultural opinion or the trend. Let us not conform to the world but be transformed by the teaching of the word.

 

1. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Peter understand women’s natural desire to look beautiful.  Boys ask, “Am I competent enough?” Girls ask” am I pretty enough?” So, if you want to kill a boy’s spirit, tell him, “You are stupid. You can’t do anything right.” But if you want to kill a girl’s spirit, tell her, “You are ugly! Who would want you?”

So, Peter understands this natural tendency of women to look beautiful. But he says for women not to adorn themselves with outward things such as braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing. Does that mean that modern women are not to wear makeup, put their hair in curls, or wear earrings? No. What Peter is emphasizing is the inner beauty. Don’t be so concerned about how you look outwardly. Don’t spend all your time in front of the mirror thinking how many looks you would get from the boys, or how many compliments from other girls, but spend more time and energy beautifying the inside. Don’t think so much about how many comments you would get on FB or Instagram but rather what God would think of you, is what Peter is saying.

APP: Ladies, let me ask you: Would you be happier when someone tells you, “you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever saw” or “You are the godliest woman I know!” If the formal, then your life is out of line with God. Repent. Ask God to change your heart so that what’s more important to God will be important to you. After all, beauty is fleeting, charm is deceptive, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (prov. 31:30).

If you doubt that, google any women who once used to be called the most beautiful – say Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kellly or more recently Brook Shields to name a few. And then compare their pictures in their twenties vs. when they were older. In just a few years, their beauty fled away…

Don’t store up treasure on your face and body which will melt away, rather store up treasure in heaven by spending time with God, praying, learning to be respectful and gentle….

 

1. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Just to humor your friends, what would happen if you called your husband, “lord” as in “mylord” in front of your girlfriends? And while friends are laughing, what if you proceeded to act like his servant the rest of the gathering? That will certainly get their attention. “What is wrong with you? You are college educated. You make more than he does. You are savvier, smarter, and more competent. You are obviously better than him. Why are you subjecting yourself to him?” Wouldn’t that be a topic of conversation with them? Then you could tell them, “It’s not because he’s smarter than me, stronger than me, more competent than me, brings home the money, that I’m subservient to him. It’s because I’m given this role of being the church in this marriage relationship and him representing the Christ. I am submitting to Jesus through submitting to him. It is more beautiful and fitting that way… ”

Wouldn’t that be a stunning testimony of the work of God in our lives?

 

1. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Men get only one verse because they have shorter attention span… =)

Men, we are to understand our wives and their weakness, their concerns and their fears. They have different kind of concerns and fears than men do. We are to embrace them and let them know that we understand them. Empathize and communicate with them regarding those things. Usually, in my experience, the things women are concerned about are family issues – such as aging parents, kids’ education, and future security. Don’t blow them off as ungodly and earthly.

We, men, need to take care of them by protecting, providing and leading. And keeping in mind that they are our equals – they are heirs with us forever – I’m no way suggesting that we go back to the dark ages where women were treated as second-rate citizens. No, the Bible is unique in the world-religion in that it elevates the position of women as equal with men – no more no less – as co-heirs with them of all that Christ has gained for them.

APP: we are to show honor to the woman as weaker vessel. They are physically weaker than us, men. I know there are some women who are stronger than some men, but you would accept the truth that men in general are stronger than women.

– It doesn’t sit well with me when I see women in my neighborhood operating heavy equipment like the lawnmower or the chainsaw. I think their husbands should be doing that.

– It doesn’t sit well with me either when men are passive and couch potatoes at home just because they bring home the money. 8 hours a day ain’t that hard! Take out the garbage. Trim the trees. Mow the lawn. Wash the dishes. And if your baby cries at 2 am, it should be you attending to him/her and not our wife. You are the stronger one!

But most of all, love your wife. Let her know and feel your love. Find out her love language and speak it! Whether 1. Words of affirmation. 2. Gifts, 3. Acts of service, 4. Quality time, 5. Physical touch. And speak her love language.

And in rare cases, when she doesn’t seem so lovely, turn to God on your knees. Pray for God’s strength to keep on loving her the way Christ loved the church – for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part.