ATTN: One of the advantages or disadvantages of going through a certain section of the Bible is that we are “forced” to speak on things that are uncomfortable. But if Jesus is our divine physician and we are sick in sin, then it is a good thing that He hurts a little in order to save us from eternal hell. And speaking on the topic of divorce is that little hurt… Let me introduce the topic this way. As many of you know, I worked with youth for 17 years before we started this church. And I’ve heard countless stories from the young people whose parents’ marriages have broken up. The adults will often hide their pain, but the kids won’t. And I became convinced that the worst thing that the parents can do to their children is to get a divorce. So, I told myself that if I ever get to work with adults, which I am now, I will plead with them and beg them not to get a divorce. Because if you get a divorce, your children won’t believe in love. You see, mom and dad are supposed to love each other and love is to last forever but now that they are broken up, that means love doesn’t last forever in their minds. So, when they hear, “Jesus loves you,” they start thinking, “well, when is He going to stop loving me? Because mom and dad didn’t love each other forever and so Jesus might stop loving me one day too…” And many of them will live in guilt and blame themselves for the divorce because many fights were over them or over money which they know that one of the major expenses had to do with them and so secretly they blame themselves. They think if they behaved better, perhaps their parents wouldn’t have gotten a divorce…

If you are divorced, then we are not here to condemn you. It was already painful enough. But today the message is about it because Jesus talks about it on the sermon on the mount. The Divine Physician wants to heal us. So, although for some of you, it would be a painful reminder, please know that we care for you and we want to prevent further hurt in the future and also for the people who have not gone through it avoid it if at all possible. We have youth and young adults who are not even married yet and we want to not only spare them of the hurt of divorce, but we want to teach them the meaning of marriage so that if they choose to get married, it will be a blessing and not a cursing.

What does Jesus say about marriage?

1. It is meant to be permanent.

Divorce should not be seen as an option for Christians. Except in extreme cases where it would be a greater evil to keep the marriage than not, the marriage should be kept. Jesus says in v. 31“it was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

            So, this saying of Jesus follows the same formula as other sayings. “You have heard it was said, but I say to you…” So, Jesus is denying a wrong teaching and now He is giving them the correction teaching. What was the wrong teaching that was popular back then? The religious leaders of the day, the Pharisees and the scribes were divided into two camps regarding divorce. One made it easy and one made it difficult.

At this point, we will turn to Matthew 19:3 where we see the encounter Jesus had with the Pharisees who had a different viewpoint on divorce than Jesus. Matthew 19:3, “[3] And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”

            When the Pharisees asks Jesus if a person can divorce for “any cause”, that word “any cause” was a legal term for them. As I said, there were two schools of thoughts back then involving the teachings about the divorce. One school was that a man could divorce his wife for “any cause” such as burning food or getting wrinkles. But another school of thought was that the only legitimate way a man could divorce his wife is in case of adultery. If the wife commits adultery with another man, then the husband must divorce from the wife. And so when these Pharisees came to Jesus to settle the matter, they were really asking: ‘Which school is right? Should the divorce be allowed for any reason or should it only be in the case of adultery? So, the lenient view or the strict view of divorce?”

Jesus answers:  [4] “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, [5] and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? [6] So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

            So, what view is Jesus taking? He is definitely not taking the lenient view of divorce. Since it is God who put the marriage together, no one should undo it. (And we thought we chose our marriage partner…)  So, it seems like Jesus is taking the stricter school of thought that divorce is legitimate only in the case of adultery. Now, the Pharisees have a rebuttal to this statement by Jesus. [7] They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

            They are quoting Deuteronmy 24:1-4, [1] “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,

            So, what the Pharisees are arguing is, “Well, Moses certainly allowed divorce and commanded us to give our wife a certificate of divorce if we find something we don’t like about them. But you, Jesus, is taking a lot more strict view on divorce! How do you explain yourself?”

Jesus replies, “[8] He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. [9] And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

            Jesus explains to them that the reason why Moses permitted them to get a divorce in the new promised land back then is because many Israelites were slaves who grew up among the pagans in Egypt where wives were treated as commodities. And the practice was rampant and if at that point Moses made into the law what God originally intended, then no one would be marrying or everyone would be adulterers and thus stoned to death. So, it was permitted for the time being. But that was not the original intent of God. And therefore, now that the new kingdom has arrived with the arrival of the king Jesus, a new standard is being employed. And he repeats almost verbatim what he says on the sermon the mount – “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

            So, the new standard that Jesus is setting for those who belong to the kingdom regarding marriage is: It’s permanent! Because whoever divorces is committing adultery. And the only exception He says is in the case of sexual immorality.

Now, I do need to say something about the exception. Is this the only exception or valid reason for the divorce? In other words, is the only valid reason we can get a divorce as Christians is if our spouse has committed adultery? Could there be other exceptions? What about spousal abuse? What about criminal activities by one of the parties? Are we to stick with our spouse no matter what because Jesus didn’t give us any other valid reason for divorce than sexual immorality? We find a clue to this question in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul adds another exception, which involves an unbelieving spouse who wants to leave the marriage. In that case, the Apostle Paul says that even though Jesus didn’t specifically mention this exception, he says that it’s okay to let go of the unbelieving spouse. So that leads me to believe that Jesus didn’t spell out all exceptions to the “never-get-a-divorce rule”

I believe there are extreme cases where staying in marriage either means endangering the life of one of the spouses or that it would lead to a greater sin than divorce – such as murder, or the ultimate sin of abandoning God altogether. I believe in those extreme cases, you have no good choice than to pick the lesser of two evils and that might be divorce, but what Jesus is making a point so very clearly and emphatically is that divorce should not be even be thought of as an option for vast majority of believers. That, it shows the hardness of our hearts when divorce is as common among believers as it is in unbelievers.

What Jesus does one better than the more strict camp of the Pharisees regarding divorce is that even in case of sexual immorality, divorce should not be automatic. We are permitted, but what would be even more noble and pleasing to God would be to forgive and accept if that spouse will reconcile. How often have we committed adultery against Jesus our bridegroom and went after other gods of money, sex and power and yet he forgives us and accepts us back? Therefore, even in the case of adultery, we are to forgive, reconcile, and repent.

This standard of Jesus about divorce was so strict that even the disciples were shocked! [10] The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

The disciples are essentially saying, “Jesus, God’s standard on marriage is so much more strict that we thought. We thought that as good Christian, if we try our best to do due diligence and marry the person we think is best and after marriage, we cover each other flaws and try to make peace, but after trying, if we can’t get along and we are just both so unhappy and our children are unhappy because we are constantly fighting, then you would be okay with us getting a divorce. But we now hear that it is not. You wouldn’t approve that at all. Then, if that’s the case, if there is no getting out of marriage except in extreme cases, it would be just better not to get married!”

And in essence Jesus say, “That’s right. So, if you don’t want to take that risk and stay single for the rest of your life, that is a legitimate choice!”[11] But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. [12] For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

As Christians, living as single people for the rest of our lives without marrying is a legitimate or even preferred disposition. We shouldn’t be looking at single people in their 30’s and think, “What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you married? Don’t you know that God’s will is for you get married and have children and contribute to the society?” Well, Jesus would have a problem with that because He Himself wasn’t married! And Jesus says in essence: “If you believe that it’s better that you stay single your whole life than take a risk with marriage that you cannot get out of, and you can serve God more freely by being single, then you should stay single.” And Paul repeats that in 1 Corinthians 7.

CONC: Let me land this plane. What is it about us that we were head over heels in love with a person and two years later, we can’t stand the person? Granted that we didn’t know that person and all the things we didn’t know surfaced. But isn’t that true of everyone we meet? There are things we don’t know about that person that will come to surface as we live together. But marriage covenant is that we are committing ourselves to that person not knowing how that person will change. When we make vows, we didn’t say, “I take you to be my wedded wife long as you remain young, thin, sweet, and fun…” But rather “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” So, what are to do if we are stuck in an unhappy marriage? Are we to continue in a lifetime of misery and struggle until one of us dies? Before following the world and being a static in divorce, could I suggest one thing? Let me read you this quote from C.S. Lewis. It’s not about marriage but I think it’s relevant.

“A perfect man would never act from a sense of duty; he’d always want the right thing more than the wrong one. Duty is only a substitute for love (of God and of other people) like a crutch which is a substitute for a leg. Most of us need the crutch at times; but of course it is idiotic to use the crutch when our own legs (our own loves, tastes, habits etc.) can do the journey on their own.”

Loving our wives and respecting our husbands seem like much work because of our hardness of hearts. God has no problem loving your husband or your wife because God has no problem loving you! And if we are to love like God, which is what Jesus is really driving at with these impossible standards, what we need is a heart change. And who can change our hearts? Not us. That is the whole point of the sermon on the mount. Jesus is not telling us to try harder. He’s telling us that we can’t make ourselves love anyone – even the one that we used to be in love with just a few years ago. God has to do it. The gospel is not what we achieve in our own will power and strength, but what God achieve for us on our behalf. And so, we cry out to him, “God I’m incapable. I’m helpless. I don’t love my wife like I should. I can’t respect my husband knowing what I know of him! I can’t. Help me! – you are being poor in spirit, and God will bless you and listen to your prayer. I believe.

We are to be the kind of husbands that even though our wives are immature and whiny, and flawed, that we would lay our lives down over and over for them and die to ourselves and love them just as Christ loved us. How many times have you failed and yet Jesus still loves you?

We are to be the kind of wives that even though our husband is not the prince charming we dreamt of and he’s clueless most of the time of your feelings and needs, rather than comparing them to the Mr. Perfect you watch on Netflix, you honor and respect him in front of your peers!

But how? Not a technique. But a heart change. And only God can change hearts. Ask for the miracle. And look to Christ. Our perfect husband, who died for his imperfect wife….