Our Young Adult Community Group had an interesting discussion yesterday. We have concluded that Asians in general use negative reinforcements whereas Americans in general use positive reinforcements.

For example, Asian parents will not say anything when the child does well as if to expect it, but only chide the child when he does poorly – “What’s this B I see on your report card??? You’re going to Summer school to do it over!” American parents will praise the child incessantly, “Good job! Good try! Way to Go!” even if the child is a bottom-dweller… Negative reinforcements vs. positive reinforcements. Which is better? The Asian way or the American way?

Negative reinforcements (“You suck! You can do better!”) use guilt and shame to motivate the person. Positive reinforcements (“You are special! Believe in yourself!”) use pride to motivate the person. Another way of saying this is: the former makes the person think less of himself and the latter makes the person think much of himself. Which way is correct?

Neither. Either way, the person is made to think of himself (either think less or much of himself). He’s still focusing on himself whether negatively or positively.

The gospel way is to help him think of himself less. (This is different from helping him think less of himself). This is to put the focus on God and on others. He knows he is nothing in himself but at the same time everything because God has given him Himself. He is at the same time humble and confident. He is not fazed by criticism and yet can rejoice genuinely with others’ good fortunes because his focus is on others. He is not think of himself…

C.S. Lewis: “If we were to meet a truly humble person, we would never come away from meeting them thinking they were humble. They would not be always telling us they were a nobody (because a person who keeps saying they are a nobody is actually a self-obsessed person). The thing we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us. Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.”

But how do I think of myself less? When I think of God and His good works. When God becomes big, I become small.

John the baptist: “He (Jesus) must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

PH