1 John 4:18–There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
If you grew up where love was shown to you based on your accomplishments or “goodness”, than the perfect love of God maybe the hardest thing to conceive, when it comes to what love truly is.  The idea that you have to perform in order to maintain love, will always leave you insecure, in fear, or tormented that you may not measure up…
This is why embracing the love embodied in the gospel, is crucial in order for us to know what real love truly is.  Because of our belief in Christ, we have love “perfected” in us, or completed.  Now, we surely are not perfect yet in applying it, which is why we should be humble, no matter how much we know.  But the work Christ did to have us “perfected” in love is done.  The rest of our Christian life, we should be growing to actualize this perfect love…
So no matter how much another person “let’s us down” or sins against us, perfect love enables us to reconcile, or at least initiate peace if they are willing (Romans 12:18).  If we are immature in love, or don’t love at all (an unbeliever), their “performance” will eventually shut down our “love”.  This definition of “love” is not of God, since God is love. (1 John 4:8)
If we don’t define love as starting with God, expressed by sending Jesus while we were sinners, we will mangle what love really is.  Love is more proven when people are willing to love within failure.  Think about this, if you base love on your performance, you probably live in insecurity, fear, and torment most of the time, given our performances are never perfect before a perfect God, and imperfect people!
At some point God has to renew our minds to what love really is.  Because if He doesn’t, no one on the planet can love you enough to feel secure in your failures and sins.  Only God’s love can bring the peace we need for real security, which should direct us continually to Christ and the cross.
In His Love, Ld